A Glaswegian ventriloquist visiting Aberdeen walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aberdonian

Hi, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid weegie bassa.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Aberdonian: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the loch once a week to play.'

Aberdonian: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Aberdonian: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Aberdonian: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

Aberdonian: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Aberdonian: (in a panic)

'The sheep's a f***ing' liar.... '