Weegie Bassa...

A Glaswegian ventriloquist visiting Aberdeen walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. 

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aberdonian 

Hi, mind if I talk to your dog?' 

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid weegie bassa.' 

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?' 

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.' 

Aberdonian: (look of extreme shock) 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager) 

Dog: 'Yep' 

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?' 

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the loch once a week to play.' 

Aberdonian: (look of utter disbelief) 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?' 

Aberdonian: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.' 

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?' 

Horse: 'Cool' 

Aberdonian: (absolutely dumbfounded) 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager) 

Horse: 'Yep' 

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you? 

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.' 

Aberdonian: (total look of amazement) 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?' 

Aberdonian: (in a panic) 

'The sheep's a f*****' liar.... '