,hl=en,siteUrl='http://0ldfox.blogspot.com/',authuser=0,security_token="v_SeT2Tv8vVdKRCcG9CCW-ZdIfQ:1429878696275"/> Old Fox KM Journal : September 2005

Friday, September 30, 2005


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Stock Market

From Mr. McMillan

The U.S. stock market is giving traders a lot of feints. Overall, it has failed to break out of the trading range that it's been in for quite some time. This range, as defined by the 1200-1245 area on $SPX, has contained both rallies and declines for several weeks. Thursday's rally was a strong one, and one wonders whether it was mainly due to quarter- end window dressing (which often reaches its zenith of activity on the day before the quarter ends) or due to a new-found strength in the underlying tone of the market itself. Unfortunately for the bulls, we're taking a 'show me' attitude here -- not being convinced of the impending upside potential unless the market can actually break out above the 1245 area (and clear the double tops there and also clear them in the other major indices as well; in fact, it's amazing how much the recent charts of $OEX, $DJX, and QQQQ resemble that of $SPX).

This current rally is the second one off of the 1200-1205 bottom (basis $SPX). Both times, the market rallied without actually getting very oversold, although this time there was an oversold condition in the breadth indicators. Currently, both breadth indicators have finally moved to buy signals -- but the NYSE breadth didn't confirm until Thursday (rather late). Hence, breadth got oversold at the bottom which is bullish -- but didn't improve much on the rally until now.

Equity-only put-call ratios have remained bullish for the entirety of this move. They turned to buy signals in early September and have remained there with little difficulty. What this is actually saying is that traders have been buying calls (forcing the ratio lower) all during this time. As long as the ratio moves lower, that's bullish. Only when 'too many' calls are being bought and the ratios begin to turn upward, would this be negative -- and that hasn't occurred yet. Volatility ($VIX) hasn't been very predictive. It has more or less followed the market, not led it, over the last few weeks. Therefore, it is also in a trading range -- as $SPX is. That range is bounded by 14 on the upside (which $VIX reached each time that $SPX was down near 1200) and has a vague lower bound in the 11.00 - 11.50 area. $VIX is sort of in the middle of that range now, so we'd just rate it as 'neutral.'

So where does all of this leave us? We have two bullish indicators breadth and put-call ratios. We have two indicators in a relatively neutral status (within trading ranges): $VIX and the charts of the major indices. To us, it adds up to further trading range activity in the US markets -- especially considering that this most recent, strong rally day was likely the result of the calendar (quarter end) rather than a true shift in investor bullishness. I expect to see sellers emerge at the 1240-1245 area on $SPX because sales there were profitable the last two times that the average got that high. Eventually, if $SPX can break on through 1245, that would change things because those sellers would turn to buyers and other investors would be drawn in on the buy side as well. Unless that happens, we remain skeptical of the rally.

Writer Groups Not Backing Down In Fight With Google

At this point it's looking likely that at least one author's organization will go to court to try to stop Google's book-copying project.

By Antone Gonsalves, TechWeb News
Aug. 31, 2005

Google Inc. on Wednesday appeared more likely to face a legal challenge over its book-copying project, as a writers' group said it was "pessimistic" over the chances of avoiding the courts.

The Text and Academic Authors Association is the latest group to publicly join others representing authors and publishers in denouncing Google's plans to resume in November scanning and storing in its database copyrighted books from libraries. Despite opposition, the search engine giant has given no indication it will change its plans, which Google argues is legal.

"It's a matter of interpretation that ultimately will have to be resolved by the courts, if Google insists that it does not have to go to the copyright holder of each book," Richard T. Hull, executive director of the TAA, said in an interview Wednesday.

Asked whether a lawsuit can be avoided, Hull said. "I'm pessimistic."

The TAA, which represents text and academic authors, recently issued a statement saying Google was "backwards" in its logic of copying books, unless the copyright holder tells it not to. Groups representing publishers and writers argue that Google should approach them, and negotiate a fee.

In addition, the TAA said, Google's position was "in conflict with both the spirit and the law of copyright."

In an interview with TechWeb this month, Adam Smith, product manager for Google Print, said the Mountain View, Calif., company believes its actions are "allowed under fair use and is consistent with all the principles underlying copyright law itself." Book publishers, however, argue that fair use under the law only applies to using portions of books for educational or non-commercial activities.

Unless it has permission to display more, Google says it shows only a small portion of copyrighted material in search results. Hull, however, said that wasn't always true, pointing out that searching for a commonly used term in a book will deliver many pages of copyrighted material.

Indeed, a search for the philosopher Martin Heidegger, in the book "Martin Heidegger On The Way," edited by Hull, delivered many pages, one at a time.

"Anybody who's clever enough can download the entire book," Hull said.

Not true, said Jim Gerber, director of content partnerships for Google. "Martin Heidegger On The Way," for example, was submitted to Google by the publisher. Under those circumstances, people would only be allowed to see a maximum of 20 percent of the book, and a percentage of random pages are blocked completely.

In the case of copyrighted library books that are copied without permission from the copyright holder, Google only displays basic information so the viewer knows the book exists and where is can be found, such as a library or retailer, Gerber said. Google makes no money off the links to a retailer, or if the book is bought through the merchant. The search engine also doesn't sell advertising for the book pages.

"We do not collect a dime from the retailer," Gerber said. "We don't collect any money, when the user buys these books."

In opposing Google, TAA joins the the Association of Learned and Professional Society Publishers, the Association of American University Presses and the Association of American Publishers.

Google announced its library project in December, starting with collections in Harvard, Stanford, the University of Michigan, the University of Oxford and The New York Public Library. Besides expanding its network of search advertising, the project could someday put Google into direct competition with giant Internet retailer Amazon.com, experts say.

Book publishers are not the only ones rankled over Google's handling of copyrighted material. Adult magazine publisher Perfect 10 Inc. is asking a federal court in Los Angeles to prevent Google from displaying pictures and links to the company's copyrighted photos.

The Beverly Hills, Calif., magazine publisher, which sued Google in November 2004, has asked the court to hear its request for a preliminary injunction Nov. 7.

Copyright © 2005 CMP Media LLC

Thursday, September 29, 2005

From Marylaine Block:

Government Reorganization and Program Performance Improvement Act of 2005

You might want to pay some attention to this. The goal is to give every government agency a ten-year life span. If Congress does not specifically reauthorize each agency, it dies.

Loomia Podcast and Videocast Search Engine
Not only a search engine but one intended "to help you discover, share, and manage things of interest to you. We make use of the likes and dislikes of an ever-increasing community to filter through thousands of channels to help you find good stuff." There's a surprising amount of library-sponsored or library-related content available already.

Replacing Your Vital Documents

While this is designed particularly for the benefit of victims of Katrina, we all could find it useful if we one day find ourselves in need of missing documents to prove we are ourselves.

Friday, September 16, 2005


Stock Market

The 'post-Katrina' rally was a strong one, taking $SPX about 40 points higher. However, it was not based on a sound technical footing, and has run into some trouble. Nearly all of the major indices have formed a double top on their chart (Figure 1). This is going to present a problem for the bulls, although if the averages should now punch their way through those double tops, it would be a strongly bullish sign.

On Monday, the final leg of the rally took place, bringing the major indices to levels very near their August tops. Some aggressive sellers decided, on Tuesday, that they would take a chance and sell at those levels. It was a fortuitous decision (for them), as the market crumpled from there -- declining for the better part of three days. The resulting double top formation will invite more selling, should the indices climb to those levels gain. In fact, the more times it works for the sellers, the more sellers there will be each time those levels are approached. If the market eventually does trade above there, though, that will turn sellers to buyers and will make support out of that level. Specifically, we are talking about the 1242-1245 level on $SPX. That also represents a 4- year high. None of the other major big-cap indices has performed as well as $SPX, so the double tops on $OEX, $DJX (the Dow), and QQQQ merely represent August highs.

Equity-only put-call ratios were slow to confirm the rally. They finally rolled over to buy signals late last week. Moreover, they began to 'hook' back up during this week's decline (Figures 2 and 3). These are usually reliable intermediate-term indicators, and their reluctance to get behind the bullish case is cause for concern.

Breadth hasn't been exactly eye-popping either. The "post- Katrina" rally was not accompanied by the expansive breadth that one usually sees when a new bullish phase begins. In fact, the breadth oscillators only got modestly overbought, and then fell back as breadth was poor this week. This action actually resulted in confirmed sell signals by both breadth oscillators on Tuesday of this week. That is certainly a problem for the bulls as well.

Finally, volatility ($VIX) has been a little more helpful to the bulls. $VIX has established a downtrend now (Figure 4), which is what one would expect during a market rally. While there was some momentary concern on Wednesday of this week as $VIX probed back above 13, it didn't stay there and is now declining again.

In summary, these indicators remain mixed. Perhaps we would do best to watch the index price chart as our best indicator: if it exceeds the double tops, all is bullish. If not, then the best the bulls can hope for is that a decline towards support (first 1220, then 1200, basis $SPX), might be enough to get some buy signals from our recalcitrant technical indicators. Until then, we are not recommending positions in broad market index options. What about the bear case, you might ask? It doesn't have technical backing right now, with equity-only put-call ratios still on buy signals and $VIX in a downtrend, but should those things change, then the bears may come growling out again.

Note: if you are viewing a text version of this report,
click on the link to see the charts"

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Ban on marrying mother-in-law to end


By Sarah Womack, Social Affairs Correspondent
(Filed: 14/09/2005)

A ban in England and Wales on marriages between parents-in-law and their children-in-law is in breach of human rights, the European Court said yesterday.

The judgment will force an overhaul of legislation governing family law which will see men being able to marry their mothers-in-law for the first time - as long as they do not have a blood link.

The decision by the court in Strasbourg related to a case brought by a couple from Warrington who were refused the right to marry because the man, aged nearly 60, is the father-in-law of the woman, more than 20 years his junior.

Identified in court as B and L, the woman and man had claimed that the marriage ban breached the Convention on Human Rights, which protects the right to marry and have a family, and outlaws discrimination.

The judges were told that B's original marriage to C ended in divorce, after a son, W, was born.

A relationship between the man and his daughter-in-law developed after the man's son, left the marital home.

A marriage between B and L, therefore, would mean the husband would be grandfather to his own wife's son.

The boy already calls his grandfather "dad".

The couple went to the Human Rights Court after being refused permission to marry by the Superintendent Registrar at Warrington Register Office.

The Strasbourg judges said that the British bar on in-law marriages, although pursuing a legitimate aim of protecting "the integrity of the family", did not prevent such relationships occurring. They added: "Since no incest or other criminal law provisions prevented extra-marital relationships between parents-in-law and children-in-law, it could not be said that the ban on the marriage (between B and L) prevented W from being exposed to any alleged confusion or emotional security."

The Human Rights Convention states: "Men and women of marriageable age have the right to marry and to found a family according to the national laws governing the exercise of this right." B and L were awarded nearly £12,000 in costs and expenses.

A spokesman for the Department for Constitutional Affairs said: "We are considering the judgment.'' Earlier this year Scotland became the first part of the UK to allow men to marry their mothers-in-law. Any man can marry his mother-in-law or daughter-in-law and women can marry their fathers-in-law or sons-in-law. The only proviso is that they must have been separated first through divorce or death from their original partner. They must not be blood relations. A spokesman for the Catholic Church said it had no ethical objections to the marriage of in-laws who were not blood related.

In England, step-children are allowed to marry their step-parents but only when they are grown up and only if they have never lived together.
Chamber judgement, B & L v United Kingdom [13 Sep '05] - European Court of Human Rights

© Copyright of Telegraph Group

The bells of Freedom ring clear.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.
- Sir Francis Bacon

Friday, September 09, 2005

Two nations divided by a common language


(Filed: 08/09/2005)

Americans aren't offhand, they just want to get down to business. Try not to get offended, says Widget Finn

Oscar Wilde claimed that "the Americans and the British are identical in all respects except, of course, their language" while around the same time Henry Sweet predicted that within 100 years American and British English would be mutually unintelligible.

A sense of urgency "is deep in the American psyche"

Which is worrying when you consider that currently around 4.5m US business people work in European companies and about the same number of Europeans are employed by American companies. How on earth do they communicate with their colleagues?

Often with great difficulty, claims Allyson Stewart-Allen, an American marketing consultant who was sent over to London by PA Consultancy Group two decades ago, learnt the language and has stayed on ever since. When she arrived she admits she had problems.

"I didn't know whether being pear-shaped was good or bad, what a damp squib was or if being knackered was faintly improper. But being an outsider meant that I could ask questions which nobody else dared raise. In a first meeting over here it's considered totally inappropriate to mention money, but I could act the naïve American and ask about the budget. It was met with nervous laughter but I usually got an answer."

There are numerous pitfalls for the unsuspecting Brit who thinks English is universally understood wherever it is spoken.

In the US you can grow a beard or a tomato but not a company, and slating a meeting means that you schedule, not disparage it. Thus a headline ''Third Harry Potter film slated'' can mean good on one side of the Atlantic and bad on the other.

If you're asked whether you want hot milk in your coffee, "I don't care" in New York is the same as "I don't mind" in London, but reverse the response and you'll get a reputation for surliness or indecision. This chasm of misunderstanding reflects the different cultures and history that affects business between the two countries.

For Americans, time is money and the transaction comes first, while building relationships are a long way behind. Go into a meeting and the British want to spend some time settling in, asking about your journey and offering coffee. Americans ignore the pleasantries and throw themselves into the business.

Allyson Stewart-Allen claims this sense of urgency is deep in the American psyche, going back to the early settlers.

In the 1800s publicity for the Manifest Destiny trains urged ordinary Americans to "Claim as much land as you can, as fast as you can".

She explains: "When our ancestors travelled across the country in their covered wagons they knew that they must stake their claims quickly before the people following behind grabbed the land. This means even now there's an antipathy to wasting time."

So it follows that punctuality is essential. If there's any doubt, arrive five minutes early and wait, in contrast to French custom where it's best to arrive five minutes late. This influences response times. You need it when? Yesterday? OK, no problem.

Americans want everything - information, deliveries - instantly says Ms Stewart-Allen. "The general rule for replying to phone messages and e-mail is no more than 24 hours, possibly 48 if you're travelling.

Waiting any longer than two days for a response implies that the person is not interested, slow, unprofessional.

In Europe a week may be a satisfactory time but not in America.

" This obsession with speed has a strong influence on marketing. "In the States we accept that we can go to market with a product or service which isn't 100 per cent ready. We're happy with 80 per cent so we can get in and get ahead.

''Here, being more risk-averse, you want to be absolutely certain it's right before launching a product but it means that by being second you seem a copycat and have to sell the idea that you're late but better."

It's the subtleties of culture and class that can cause most confusion. Ms Stewart-Allen first encountered it at PA where there was a certain member of her team with an illustrious ancestry.

"My colleagues laughed harder at his jokes, were deferential and, although he was just average, he got better assignments. Americans respect someone for achievements, not their DNA."

Understanding the gamut of linguistic and cultural differences can make the course of business run more smoothly but even if we learn each other's language there is still a natural barrier that keeps our two nations apart. As Eddie Izzard wisely observed: "America and Britain are divided by the Atlantic Ocean."

Top tips for working with Americans

The clock is king
Be on time for meetings. Deadlines are serious. Meet completion times or risk losing business.

Business before pleasure
Be willing to do business ?rst, build the relationship second. If Americans don't take time to get to know you no insult is intended, they're just keeping to a schedule.

Family, equal and ethical
Everyone, regardless of rank or age, should be treated as equals. Don't be insulted if addressed by your ?rst name - it's the American way.

Let's do lunch
Don't take offence when your American colleague suggests getting together but doesn't get it together. He's sincere, but too rushed to follow up so simply appreciate the interest.

Do it now!
Americans still make decisions on impulse. In their rush to 'get things done' they decide quickly and worry about the consequences later.

Source: Working with Americans

13 July 2005[News]: Strewth! Americanisms flush Aussie lingo down the dunny

© Copyright of Telegraph Group Limited 2005.

Police Begin Seizing Guns of Civilians


September 9, 2005

NEW ORLEANS, Sept. 8 - Local police officers began confiscating weapons from civilians in preparation for a forced evacuation of the last holdouts still living here, as President Bush steeled the nation for the grisly scenes of recovering the dead that will unfold in coming days.

Police officers and federal law enforcement agents scoured the city carrying assault rifles seeking residents who have holed up to avoid forcible eviction, as well as those who are still considering evacuating voluntarily to escape the city's putrid waters.

"Individuals are at risk of dying," said P. Edwin Compass III, the superintendent of the New Orleans police. "There's nothing more important than the preservation of human . . .

Mr. Compass, the police superintendent, said that after a week of near anarchy in the city, no civilians in New Orleans will be allowed to carry pistols, shotguns, or other firearms of any kind. "Only law enforcement are allowed to have weapons," he said.

That order apparently does not apply to the hundreds of security guards whom businesses and some wealthy individuals have hired to protect their property. The guards, who are civilians working for private security firms like Blackwater, are openly carrying M-16s and other assault rifles.

Mr. Compass said that he was aware of the private guards but that the police had no plans to make them give up their weapons.

New Orleans has turned into an armed camp, patrolled by thousands of local, state, and federal law enforcement officers, as well as National Guard troops and active-duty soldiers. While armed looters roamed unchecked last week, the city is now calm. . . .

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Checking for Plagiarism One Sentence at a Time

I/P Updates

LexisNexis has teamed-up with iParadigms to offer "LexisNexis CopyGuard" pattern-matching technology for identifying suspected plagiarism. The service assigns each document a "similarity index" indicating the total percentage of the document containing text originating elsewhere in the Lexis database. It also provides and "Originality Report" that underlines and color codes questionable sentences, with links to the original sources.

But should we be looking for plagiarism sentence by sentence simply because we can?

Musicians know that all great composers steal; documentarian's lament over dissappearing history; and artists are plagued by intellectual property issues. Even technological breakthroughs can be viewed as more of a societal building process than the singular obsessions of lonely geniuses.

According to Stuart P. Green, a professor of law at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge, copyright law "protects a primarily economic interest . . .

Nine Offbeat Ways to Pay for College


By Lucy Lazarony

The news on college costs is mighty grim, but there are plenty of creative ways to keep your college dream on track.

Dwindling state and federal aid, lower endowments and drops in fund raising have forced many colleges and universities to raise tuition prices and cut back on financial aid programs.

What's a cash-strapped student to do?

Get real and then get creative.

First off, face facts -- These are trying times for anyone pursuing higher education.

It's time to pull out all the stops. Be flexible. Be determined. Be willing to give the unusual a try.

Here's a roundup of some offbeat and overlooked strategies for pursuing and paying for a college degree.

1. Accelerate your degree
Accelerated classes cram a semester's worth of material into six- or eight-week sessions . . .

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Working with Statistics

Links from the SLA presentation
The revised handouts for Dr. Broch's presentation are now posted the DC-SLA Chapter Website:

and here.

Copyright claims -- the next gotcha?

Star Tribune

Dan McDonald
September 5, 2005 FORUM0905

One of your employees just read an article he likes, so he e-mails a copy to 10 colleagues. No problem, right?

Think again. If the company does not have permission to forward electronic copies of the article, its employees might have just committed copyright infringement. And don't assume it's not a "real" problem just because you haven't heard much about it.

Ask Legg Mason, the investment management firm, which was hit with a nearly $20 million judgment for repeatedly violating the copyright of a newsletter publisher. The company systematically forwarded electronic copies of the newsletter, without permission, to employees. While the fact that it went to trial and the size of the award make the . . .

ZIPmouse Aims to Uniquely Organize Web

Press Release

Tuesday September 6, 8:37 am ET
Company's Innovative Interface Offers Internet Users and Advertisers the Chance to See and Be Seen Like Never Before

CINCINNATI, Sept. 6 /PRNewswire/ -- ZIPmouse LLC, a leading interface design company, today announced the launch of its new website, http://www.zipmouse.com . The website, four years in the making, is designed to bring users, advertisers and information together in a seamless framework. That seamless framework is created by the unique ZIPmouse interface design.
"Any user at any level can effectively use ZIPmouse," said Keith Lawrence, President of ZIPmouse. "The experience we've created is so incredibly simple and efficient, users quickly feel empowered when using ZIPmouse."

The company stresses that ZIPmouse is not a search engine. The ZIPmouse taxonomy (orderly classification system) is organized into layers of logical categories that users can quickly navigate with just a few clicks of their mouse. The uncluttered and intuitive interface is maintained through every level of the ZIPmouse taxonomy structure - providing consistency and familiarity to users.

"That's the beauty of ZIPmouse; it utilizes one consistent interface and one consistent function," said Ed Estes, CTO of ZIPmouse. "Users master our system in a matter of seconds because the experience is the same no matter what you're looking for."

ZIPmouse is fundamentally different from existing online directories. Most directories have a flexible category system that adapts to the information indexed. Ultimately, this method of organization becomes disorganized as it succumbs to the individual demands of an enormous number of websites. The ZIPmouse taxonomy follows a rigid set of rules and organization methods that stay fixed, regardless of the amount of information it indexes. . . .

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Britons return to tell of anarchy in Superdome


Britons return to tell of anarchy in Superdome
By Marco Giannangeli
(Filed: 05/09/2005)

Britons finally returning to safety from New Orleans yesterday told of the anarchy that developed in the city's Superdome, where thousands had been sent after Hurricane Katrina.

As they landed at Gatwick airport, bedraggled holidaymakers described the terror that followed attempted rapes, violence and squalor in the sports arena.

Jane Wheeldon is greeted by her mother at Gatwick Airport
Will Nelson had been touring the United States after summer work for Camp America.

"I'm just relieved it is all over and glad to be back and away from there," he said. "There were mothers with their children lying in corridors in filth and the toilets and water stopped working.

"The smell was disgusting and there were old people just sitting down in the road as well as the sick."

The 21-year-old had been staying in a hostel in the city just before the hurricane struck and was told that he and fellow travellers had to evacuate to the dome.

"The first few days there was a group of eight of us together but by Thursday night all the travellers were together - there were 40 or 50 of us," he said. "The lads were on the outside and the girls were on the inside and we just made sure that we didn't leave any of our bags."

He described how backpackers had been surprised by the intensity of the hurricane. "We were all cramped into sections and could hear lots of crashing but we didn't have an idea just how massive it was," he added. "The army gave out food and water at first to people, but then the situation got worse."

Charlotte Scott, 19, described how she and her sister Rebecca, 20, huddled together with other travellers in the dome. "Throughout the three days we just grouped together because none of us knew what we were in for. I saw a couple of people getting taken away by the army and others were getting angry . . .

Friday, September 02, 2005

Google Purge Announced

Google Announces Plan To Destroy All Information It Can't Index
August 31, 2005 | Issue 41•35

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to "organize the world's information," announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index.

CEO Eric Schmidt speaks at Google's California headquarters (below).
"Our users want the world to be as simple, clean, and accessible as the Google home page itself," said Google CEO Eric Schmidt at a press conference held in their corporate offices. "Soon, it will be."

The new project, dubbed Google Purge, will join such popular services as Google Images, Google News, and Google Maps, which catalogs the entire surface of the Earth using high-resolution satellites.

As a part of Purge's first phase, executives will destroy all copyrighted materials that cannot be searched by Google.

"A year ago, Google offered to scan every book on the planet for its Google Print project. Now, they are promising to burn the rest," John Battelle wrote in his widely read "Searchblog." "Thanks to Google Purge, you'll never have to worry that your search has missed some obscure book, because that book will no longer exist. And the same goes for movies, art, and music."

"Book burning is just the beginning," said Google co-founder Larry Page. "This fall, we'll unveil Google Sound, which will record and index all the noise on Earth. Is your baby sleeping soundly? Does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? Google will have the answers."

Enlarge Image
Page added: "And thanks to Google Purge, anything our global microphone network can't pick up will be silenced by noise-cancellation machines in low-Earth orbit."

As a part of Phase One operations, Google executives will permanently erase the hard drive of any computer that is not already indexed by the Google Desktop Search.

"We believe that Google Desktop Search is the best way to unlock the information hidden on your hard drive," Schmidt said. "If you haven't given it a try, now's the time. In one week, the deleting begins."

Although Google executives are keeping many details about Google Purge under wraps, some analysts speculate that the categories of information Google will eventually index or destroy include handwritten correspondence, buried fossils, and private thoughts and feelings.

The company's new directive may explain its recent acquisition of Celera Genomics, the company that mapped the human genome, and its buildup of a vast army of laser-equipped robots.

"Google finally has what it needs to catalog the DNA of every organism on Earth," said analyst Imran Kahn of J.P. Morgan Chase. "Of course, some people might not want their DNA indexed. Hence, the robot army. It's crazy, it's brilliant—typical Google."

Enlarge Image
Google executives oversee the first stage of Google Purge.
Google's robot army is rumored to include some 4 million cybernetic search-and-destroy units, each capable of capturing and scanning up to 100 humans per day. Said co-founder Sergey Brin: "The scanning will be relatively painless. Hey, it's Google. It'll be fun to be scanned by a Googlebot. But in the event people resist, the robots are programmed to liquify the brain."

Markets responded favorably to the announcement of Google Purge, with traders bidding up Google's share price by $1.24, to $285.92, in late trading after the announcement. But some critics of the company have found cause for complaint.

"This announcement is a red flag," said Daniel Brandt, founder of Google-Watch.org. "I certainly don't want to accuse of them having bad intentions. But this campaign of destruction and genocide raises some potential privacy concerns."

Brandt also expressed reservations about the company's new motto. Until yesterday's news conference, the company's unofficial slogan had been "Don't be evil." The slogan has now been expanded to "Don't be evil, unless it's necessary for the greater good."

Co-founders Page and Brin dismiss their critics.

"A lot of companies are so worried about short-term reactions that they ignore the long view," Page said. "Not us. Our team is focused on something more than just making money. At Google, we're using technology to make dreams come true."

"Soon," Brin added, "we'll make dreams clickable, or destroy them forever."

© Copyright 2005, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Lance Armstrong scandal

The Associated Press Friday, August 5, 2005; 11:00 PM PARIS, France --

Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with
his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to
be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time.

Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances
were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning
the 2005 Tour de France.

The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant and soap, which have
been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.

Armstrong's girlfriend, American rocker Sheryl Crowe, is quoted as saying
"We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok
throughout Europe."

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically
searched Armstrong and found several other interesting items that they had
never seen before, including a backbone and testicle.

Oxymoron or what?

"Ability to think and write clearly."

Internship Opportunity - People For the American Way Foundation

Ginger Richards
People For the American Way Foundation
2000 M Street, NW Ste 400
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: 202-467-2342
Fax: 202-293-2672

People For the American Way Foundation is a national organization with 700,000 members and supporters dedicated to defending constitutional and civil rights and promoting the democratic values of citizen participation, freedom of expression, freedom of religion, and respect for diversity. It is home to the Andrew Heiskell Library, a collection of primary and secondary source materials on First Amendment issues, the right-wing movement, and other issues of concern to the organization.

• Help maintain book and serials collections of the Resource Center. This includes filing, making new files and creating reference tools to make the library easier for staff and visitors to use.

• Assist with maintaining online resources, such as book database, library web site, and intranet search (EDIT) tool.
• Help fact-check PFAWF and PFAW materials for accuracy.
• Assist staff members and visitors with reference requests.

• Ability to think and write clearly.
• Concern for detail, organization, and accuracy.
• Knowledge of library services and functions.
• Ability to work both independently and with supervision.
• Familiarity with Internet-based research tools, databases, and other computer applications.
• Interest in and knowledge of current political issues and library sciences.