WAR STORIES

Lawyers Share Their True Tales About Life in the Trenches

BY BRIAN SULLIVAN

GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE

Sometimes you gotta wonder what goes on in the nation?s courtrooms. Here are two cases in which a casual perusal of the transcripts might pique one?s curiosity.

In a patent case in federal district court, the plaintiff?s star witness had been on the stand for quite some time. He was explaining that during the process of building his great new device, every night he would bring components of the device to his father, who was on his deathbed in the hospital. His father was extremely proud of him, but because of his condition, the witness feared his father wouldn?t live to see the finished machine.

At this point, K. David Crockett of Laguna Hills, Calif., was wiping a tear from his eye and looked over at his partner, who was doing the same. Realizing the impropriety, they both shook it off and looked deferentially at the judge, who was also wiping a tear from his eye. Unable to control themselves, all three broke out in laughter just as the witness was recounting the death of his father.

The transcript read, " ?? and then my dad died.? (Outburst of laughter.)"

And Milton Hammond of Dallas was one of several attorneys who, along with a judge, were listening to hardship stories from prospective jurors. It seems that one male potential juror had been admonished by the bailiff because he wore shorts to the proceedings. Having been excused from service, the man turned to the judge and said, "Next time, I?ll wear pants." The judge wondered aloud how that might sound on an official transcript.

SOBERING EXERCISE

Every litigator has learned not to ask a question to which the answer is not known. But sometimes you need to learn when to bring in a stuntperson.

Jeff Lester of Moline, Ill., tells of the time he suffered an embarrassing loss in court and was commiserating with a police officer, who had a story of his own. The officer had arrested a man for drunken driving, and the man refused to take a breathalyzer test. In court, the officer explained to the jury all of the field sobriety tests the defendant had failed.

On cross-examination, the defense attorney questioned the officer at length, then asked him to stand up and perform the sobriety tests for the jury. The officer went through each of the tests without incident, until he got to the one in which the subject closes his eyes, stands on one foot and touches his nose with each hand. The officer proceeded to lose his balance and fall headfirst into the jury box. To no one?s surprise, the defendant was acquitted.

Lester decided that his own court story no longer seemed quite so embarrassing.

AT LEAST YOU WOULDN?T FORGET IT

In the world of big business, the name of an entity should convey the essence of what it?s about. But when there?s a language barrier, those involved had better be extra careful.

James Watson of Atlanta was helping to structure a complex joint venture of two general partnerships for a real estate development project. Two Japanese-owned companies were forming a partnership to become one of the venturers. During several hours of intense discussion, the Japanese principals huddled at one end of the conference table, obviously discussing a critical point among themselves.

They finally announced that they had come up with a name for their partnership.

They had combined some of the initials of their companies? owners? names and written it on a piece of paper, which they handed to Watson. He read the new name aloud: SEKS Partners.

After the room erupted with laughter, the blushing partners quickly came up with another name.

?2004 ABA Journal