WHEN BEING A LAWYER IS A BIRTH DEFECT
Parents, Check for Warning Signs of Incipient Attorney-itis

BY THE RODENT

When the time comes, most people have the same compelling reason for applying to law school–college is almost over. Heck, what else are you going to do with a degree in sociology?

If you don’t believe me, go ask lawyers you know about why they are lawyers. The most common answer is likely to be, "Because I couldn’t get into medical school, not even one of those in the Caribbean."

Admittedly, there are other types of lawyers out there who had a bit more career direction than the rest of us. They are the born lawyers. The law is their life, and that’s the way they like it.

These individuals are easy to pick out of the crowd. They are the ones who will exclaim that they always wanted to be a lawyer. These are also the ones who always knew there was no other career path for them. They were on their way to court before they saw their first episode of Perry Mason, L.A. Law or The Practice.

Still not sure who I’m talking about? It’s that guy who sat in the front row of your college classes, neatly dressed, hand raised to answer or ask questions. His pastimes include hanging around professors’ offices in hopes of getting a good recommendation for law school and doing legal research on ways to sue Ivy League universities if they dare reject his application for admission.

Many parents are fearful of giving birth to a born lawyer. This is especially true of parents who are themselves attorneys and don’t want their child to grow up to be just like them. It is a true heartbreak when such parents learn during the child’s formative years that they have produced another member of the profession.

If you are concerned about your own children becoming lawyers (as opposed to sociology majors), here are some telltale signs that will give you pause:

• Michael Jackson is your child’s favorite entertainer–but only because of all the legal issues.


• Your child forces you, the parents, to sign a retainer agreement before the kid will do any chores.


• The child drafts a will for Mom and Dad to sign–in crayon.


• The child befriends the kids in the class who want to be judges and ambulance drivers when they grow up.


• Instead of playing house, the child plays in-house counsel.


• Instead of hide-and-seek, it’s discovery.


• Instead of kick the can, it’s "kick opposing counsel’s butt."

Finally, there’s no need to buy your little future lawyers G.I. Joe dolls, because they will prefer playing Homosexual G.I. Plaintiff vs. the U.S. Army, et. al.

©2003 ABA Journal