The Rodent strikes again

WHEN FRIENDS ARE AGAINST THE LAW

Buddies Who Get Blown Off Don’t Care About the Firm–Eventually, They Won’t Care About You, Either

BY THE RODENT

I was once asked why it is that we lawyers don’t always keep the friends we had before we became lawyers.

This person who asked, a former friend of mine from before I became a lawyer, just didn’t seem to understand how demanding practicing law can be. All I could do in response was repeat what the dean of my law school told me during the first week of classes: "The law is a jealous mistress."

The law is actually much worse than a jealous mistress if you have a husband, a wife, a significant other or a real mistress. It’s also not so great for our friends, because we basically put them on standby whenever we make plans with them.

On days when we lawyers do make plans with friends after work, we try very hard to make sure everything is in order, all our work is done for the day and all assignments are delivered. The problem is that bombs are often dropped late in the day, and we have no way to defend ourselves against them.

By bombs, I mean files dropped on our desks by a partner with accompanying assignments. When doing so, the partner will often utter the words: "You don’t have plans tonight, do you." Notice that I did not put a question mark at the end of that sentence–because it is not a question. Rather, it’s a statement that, if it wasn’t true five minutes ago, is now.

The project staring you in the face is an emergency that must, you are told, be completed by the end of the day. Often, the project is urgent because it sat on the partner’s desk for weeks. Be this as it may, you are an associate. She is a partner. You therefore cheerfully accept the assignment.

If you hustle, you can get this particular bomb defused in time to meet with your friend. Just as you are getting the project completed, however, your phone rings. You hesitate to pick up, but you note it’s coming from outside the office and think it might be your friend calling to confirm–mainly because you have cancelled on him the last four times you made plans. Instead, it’s yet another partner telling you about a project that absolutely must be completed by tomorrow morning. The partner, by the way, is calling from the ballpark.

I said above that you had to cancel the last four times. It’s going to be five. This is the point in the day when there’s simply no way to get everything done in time to meet your friend.

You have to make the phone call (a call you’ve made many times before) to cancel your plans. You get your friend on the line and try to explain that this time, it really was something important and urgent. Before you get the chance, you listen to how this other person no longer wants to be your friend (or lover or spouse). You are also told how The Firm is all you care about and how it is your true and only friend (lover/spouse). You start to argue and explain why those accusations are outrageous and unfounded, but you quickly realize that you need to get back to your work.

On the positive side, there are other associates around The Firm who have the same evening plans you do. A group of you can gather later in the lunchroom and enjoy cups of ramen and candy bars from the vending machines.

These are your friends.


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You can contact the Rodent at TheRodent@aol.com.


©2003 ABA Journal